October 25th 2005

The last few days have been such a blur of emotion. I made an appointment at the health clinic. It is tomorrow and I am going to call Jake tonight and tell him I'm pregnant and ask him to come with me. I have decided not to tell anyone until after my appointment. Thank God school has been keeping me busy. My emotions are so out of control though. Mr. Allison asked me why I didn't have my homework and I started crying in front of everyone. I don't know why I did that. I just felt like he was attacking me by announcing it in front of everyone. He pulled me out into the hall and asked me what was going on and I didn't know what to say. "Sorry Mr. Allison, I'm pregnant and as you may know my hormones are completely out of control right now so if I seem like I am blowing things out of proportion I apologize but i really can't help it considering my circumstances." I just told him I didn't feel good and was having a bad day. I'm sure he will tip toe around my emotions next time he decides to call me out in front of the whole class. I can't stop thinking of the big picture and it is annoying and very unlike me. I keep thinking about church and school and how everyone else is going to find out as soon as I start to show. My small framed 5 foot 3 inch body weighing 110 pounds is bound to show quickly. I wonder how far along I am. I wonder what people are going to say when they find out. I just don't want to be that typical stereotype of teen moms and I know I am not. The hard part is going to be convincing everyone else of that.