I talked to Jake on the phone today for at least an hour. I asked him why he came with Sarah to our homecoming game. He told me that she actually asked him. I am finding it really hard not to hate Sarah. I am so angry with her right now, and for her safety I am probably better off not saying a word to her. I spent so much time being so real with her and she was nothing but fake. I am so surprised at the way all of my relationships have turned out this last year. The only good thing that has come out of any of this is that I made a new friend (Nick) and I have had the opportunity to explore myself a little more. Even though my world is caving in around me I still feel whole. I asked Jake if I could come over tomorrow during PE. I know that he doesn’t have any of his college classes until night and I really don’t feel like going to gym. I wake up so early to go to seminary. It starts at six in the morning and we get out ten till seven. I have snuck over to Jakes house a couple of times and fallen asleep with him. Jake is the only guy that I have actually had sex with. Sometimes when I go over there I think the only reason he wants me to come over is because we have sex. RULE #1: Don’t sleep with a guy unless you are dating. It gives them too much power. They can’t have their cake and eat it to. YOUR HEART WILL GET BROKEN. I don’t follow the rules though. We don’t even talk about having sex. It just happens.
