October 7th 2005

I got to see Steven for the last time before he left for boot camp today. I work with Best Buddies Club and got out of school an hour later. The parking lot was practically empty and I was carrying boxes of supplies to my car for the homecoming parade. I heard someone yell my name and I looked up and it is Steven standing by his pickup truck. He was the LAST person I was expecting to see. I don't know why I did it but I set everything on the ground and ran up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me back just as tight, I think it was just reaction especially because I thought he had already left. I think he is regretting joining the National Guard. I feel guilty because I think he only did it to get away from his Aunt and Uncle and I just feel like I am the reason they started to not get a long. They ended up finding condoms in Stevens room and assumed that the "new" girl that came to their christian school had something to do with it. Trust me I was just as confused as they were.

The dance is tomorrow so I guess we will see how that goes. I have a dress that took me all of five min to find at the mall. It's black and long, plain..like me. I don't mind though, things feel better that way. Nobody that I really care about will be there so no real need to impress anyone. I hope I can get Jake, Steven and Nick off my mind long enough to have fun. It's funny how none of them will be there. It's like I live two different lives or something.